She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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