Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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