I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
