the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
