my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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