the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
