dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
