...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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