Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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