Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
