i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
