My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
40s are totally the cure
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
