Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
