By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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