He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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