R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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