Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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