He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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