The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
