he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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