sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
