i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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