i think my tv is drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
