I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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