I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
whose parrot is this?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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