I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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