you guys were way drunker than both of me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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