Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
