come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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