at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
