I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
