i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
