How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
