yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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