What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
