Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
