I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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