What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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