I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
