when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
