I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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