we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
