I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
