Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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