Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
