I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
