Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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