I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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