I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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