i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
