Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They have beer where we have blood.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
