you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
